| New Years Resolution |
[Jan. 7th, 2008|03:10 am] |
Over these past few weeks I have really began to realize things about myself. I have always known that
I am interested in the jetset life of a celebrity. The media, the money, and just recently the designer clothing
... everything about it. Who isn't? What I have realized however, is not this. Everyone idealizes the super life.
Superfuture has made me idolize it even more so. Dramas have visualized them. Guitar has me grasping it.
Other people share these interests and many of them are in the same position as I, knowing they would love
such a life. I have realized that I am doing little to achieve it. Little to reach whatI apparently find an
interest in. Little to reach my epic desire.
It is difficult. Inspiration comes and goes. Always. Sometimes it is a short video - other times a moment where
I, reoccuringly, realize what I desire. Simple things. Everday things. But they don't happen everyday. They are
common - but moreso to say they are occur on a weekly basis, if even that. Moments that make me pick up my
guitar. Moments that make me pick up a book. They are essential - yet hardly enough. As of right now I am
barely scrapping the shell of my potential. I have also realized that now.
I believe that it is fair to say I have incredible potential... it is also fair to say I am full of shit. This could be
another one of those "moments". Inspiration hit. But I am going to take note of that now. Everytime I
miraculously find inspiriation (tonight it happened as I watched the video to "Shy That Way"), I will note
my current status on how I am doing. To this point I have done hardly anything, I understand. But I do not know
what I have completed, or have not completed. It is uncertain, because I have nothing to compare what I
am now to what I have done. I cannot measure progress.
New years resolutions have always been nothing but bullshit excuses to me. It is very hard for me to commit
to anything. It is completly useless for me to assign tasks for the new year. I know I will fail. It is false hope.
If I were to make a list now I already know how it would look:
1. Get healthy
2. Get better at guitar, and perform
3. Get a better style
4. The list goes on... and it's all complete shit.
This year I am not going to bother making a list of things I will never do. I will not even promise to myself that
I will continue these posts, so that I can benchmark my process. Why? Because I already know what I have to
do to change. It does not require a list, a new year, another excuse for me to finally become a better person.
I know what I have to do in order to become sucessful. It is not gaurenteed, but I understand the requirements.
That is all I need to know. |
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| fuck that! |
[Nov. 13th, 2007|12:47 am] |
it's been ME all along.
mack is back.
tha'd interestin' motha fucka. |
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| New Day. New Life. |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|11:18 pm] |
10.21.07
I wonder when the next time I'll be saying this again. |
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| Epic Songs |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|08:55 pm] |
I am very open to all types of music. I like all kinds of music.
Top #3 Most Epic Songs in the World (at the moment):
1. Chrono Cross - Sands of Time [Orchestrial]
Incredible orchestra song from the one and only game that received a 10 from IGN (I think that 10 got changed though).
It's an amazing song. Incredibly epic and inspirational.
2. My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade ["Emo rock"]
Don't ask me why. It just feels incredibly epic as I listen to it right now.
3. the pillows - March of the God [Indie]
I don't listen to the pillows anymore, yet this song reminds me of epic things. I don't really even know why. It reminds me of a big
giant robot god wallpaper that I have, and that thing was fucking epic (not to mention gorgeous asthetically).
You owe it to yourself to at least listen to these three songs. |
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| Page 1. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2007|08:27 pm] |
Dear Livejournal,
I hate you. Well, sorta.
LJ use to be an everday addiction. Almost like myspace or facebook. The only problem is, when people find out you have a Livejournal, eventually a little community will build up. Ok, not so bad. But then it forces you to do what every other personal space that's ever been created on the internet; scream for attention. And the problem with Livejournal is the reason why I liked it so much in the first place. It's not nearly as mindless as Myspace. It's not just, let's click this person's Myspace, to see their attractive friend, which leads up to the friends of your friends atractive friend. For a few hours. And let's talk a little crap about everyone that we see a picture of and know! But let's just talk crap behind their backs or in our mind. Let's not write it out. That's what a LJ is for. Not a Myspace.
Anyway, after awhile, even LJ became a little much. You begin to realize people actually read the crap you write in this thing (yes I'm talking to you), and the badmouthing ONLINE is actually doing a little more damage then you figured. So LJ lost its purpose. At least for me. Now I'd have to be careful about what I wrote. That's not what I wanted from LJ. Still, some poeple don't mind writing their rants, hatred, and emotions on LJ (laugh; wait, isn't that everyone on LJ?). It got out of control. Annoying seems too strong of a word to describe what happened to LJ; ruined, is even stronger, but much more fitting.
In some, very little, nostalgic-related way, I still find a liking for LJ. I don't use it anymore, but everyone else on it seems the same (no one is suppose to know that I still, do, check my friends page from time to time). I haven't let go of it, it's just not the same as before. And that's page 1. I suppose page 2 will come tomorrow, or why would I have bothered to write anything at all? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|12:48 am] |
down, down, down, down.
life is fucking bullshit 99.99 fucking percent of the time. |
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| I am not a gangster. I just have emotions. |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|01:16 am] |
Yes, it would sound better if I could free-voice it, because now it just looks like a poem. But it's not a poem. It's freevoice.
Sometimes I think my life is a tragedy.
Everything just goes by so god damn rapidly.
They don’t give me anytime to think,
Only time to sink,
Sink down to lows,
Where nothing seems to flow.
But the blood to my heart,
Pounds so fast.
The blood to these parts,
That made me come up last.
In this race, this race of life
I fail to see why,
I survive to die.
But then I ‘member then,
What it’s all about.
But then I ‘member then,
And I just want to shout:
Life is life,
And through these ups and downs,
I never fail to forget
The symbol of your love,
The optimism of my hope. |
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| 2/17/07 |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ok | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kalinda law - arigato | ] |
hi bay. <3 you muchos.
"sing that again bitches" |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|03:39 pm] |
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I hate when I overthink things to a point where it starts to freak me out. |
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| 今は |
[Dec. 1st, 2006|08:12 pm] |
I am very tired; a little lonley; and terribly confused right now.
It's scary to think that every action I take for the next few
days will have affects on me that I have no idea how long will
last. But I guess life needs to have a little mystery in it.
And hey! I got that jacket I've wanted for a few months. And it
was 50% off. Except it's not exactly what I wanted but its close. |
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| whatigot |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|04:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | upset | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Taking Back Sunday - Little Devotional | ] |
I've been looking at buying a lot of things lately. It's funny... the last time I did that, I had about
5 things on my list. With prices ranging from $40 to $250. I got everything on that list in a month
without much trouble. The only thing I didn't get was a new phone. And now that I'm getting some
money, I'm getting ready to spend it again. It's not like I buy a whole lot of things. I've never really
asked my parents for things, and I never ask them for money. Occasionally I take money from the
ATM, but I hardly ever anymore. So I can get things I want. It's not hard. Am I being materialistic?
Spoiled? An idiot? I guess if someone wanted to call it that.
After 8th grade, for two years I wanted something that I couldn't get. More of something that I
couldn't find. I'm picky, so I waited. And waited. And waited. Now that I think back at it, I'm
shooting myself for all the stupid things that I did not do. Forget about the phrase "one shot". I've
had shots I wanted to take, I just never did. What finally made me? Now that I think back, I really
do not know. I could come up with a list of reasons, but in days to come I'll re-read them and think
of them ridiculous. I'd change my mind. Time and tiime again, I do this to myself. I can't even say
now. But am I happy? As of this moment, no.
I'm tired of having things that I wish I never got. I am tired feeling like the things I have are not for me,
or I am not not for them. I am tired of people who interfere with buisness that is not theirs. I am
tired of losing things that I should not have lost. I am tired of things that happen that force me to
forget. But most of all, I am tired of standing and watching, as every shitty thing in this world
happens without me in it.
But winter always does this to me. I thought it would not this year. But being wrong is never really
anything new to me. Despite how unhappy I am now, despite everything that I have just complained
about and everything that is making me upset, in a few days it will all be better again. Until
something happens again. I have no where to turn anymore, and that is my own fault. I let go of
people who were important to me, and barging into their lives now is hard to do. I'll just sit back
and let it blow over, like I always do.
But gentlemen
they don't ask questions
just keep quiet
she'll pay attention
gentlemen don't ask questions
we could pay attention |
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| instrumentals to die for |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|06:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ok | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby | ] |
so i bought guitar hero ii. well, i ordered it. then i cancelled my order. i read
about it a little more, finding out its really only a fast paced, arcade-styled
experience. i wanted the game mainly for reflexes and timing. but with a
70 dollar price tag, i thought about it... and thats just too expensive. besides,
i dont think i could handle getting addicted to a game these last few weeks
of the semester.
so ive been counting my coins up from my coke jar. i estimating anywhere from
200 dollars to 500 dollars in that thing. thats why ive been wondering what to
spend it on lately... of course, i'm not going to spend it all. something small for now.
guitar hero ii is out of the window. i've been thinking about a DS lite, which
everyone seems to have right now anyway. but the price on that will probably
drop right after christmas. besides, i'm waiting for the blue or red lite to come out.
and if i wait long enough, robby could just pick me up one in japan or hong kong. or
taiwan? wherever he finds a good deal on it. i really want an acoustic-eletric.
something with a cutaway and lower bridge. the yamaha f-310 im using right now
is pissing me off. its too big for my comfort (i've played only 3/4's sized bodyies
a few times but i like them a lot more then a full body, and concert bodies are
so expensive i wont be able to get one of those); the brigde is too high, and
especially with the d'addario strings i got for it which are real thick, hammer ons are a pain in the ass
the guitar i want though is a little expensive. nothing extremely pricy, but i wont
be able to get the kind of moneyfor awhile.
gah. i want a job. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 50 Cent - 21 Questions | ] |
I'm very annoyed right now. And there's no one to bitch about it at.
21 questions. |
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| Finally |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|11:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | goood. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ellegarden - Yubiwa | ] |
What am amazingly wonder song.
It makes me feel good. Kwe.
My god the PV for this really makes me miss Japan for some reason.
It feels like I use to live there or something...asdaldj. |
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| im learning vietnamese |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hey! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Legend - ordinary people | ] |
i dont know when the hell i'll ever use this in my daily life. then again, i don't use japanese either.
kwe hum?
kwe.
ung gum jya?
ung goy.
jya ung. |
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| 10/8/06 |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | unsure | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 30 Seconds to Mars - The Mission | ] |
I guess thing are going to be a little diffrent from now on. |
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| I'd be thinking |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|09:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creativeo_0 | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION - ノーネーム | ] |
Been thinking about writing again. A lot. Why? I just seem to have
a lot of my mind to write about. Of course I'd deviate. I always start
with an idea an end with some else... but the point is I'm writing. And
usually reading, and editing, and doing something productive.
I suppose Althanas would be one the few places I would write at. I
visited, but the site seems to be mere detail of the legacy it use to be.
But there are still people that write at a high caliber. Stuff that I want
to read; not to mention, enough different styles to adapt off of.
I've been reading over some of the old writing I use to do. Some of the
old sentence structuring and vocabulary. A lot of it seems like a joke
now... no matter how good I thought it use to be, it doesn't really matter.
This post got me on the front page of the Althanas; I suppose I liked it
when I wrote it, but it seems terrible to me now. So I'll rework it:
( Read more... ) |
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| Hweeeen |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|06:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | fresh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade | ] |
Too old for trick-or-treating? Naaah.
Yesterday was defintely the most memorable Halloween...
And everything happened on only four hours of sleep :o.
Pretttty crazy day.
Little too much on my mind lately. Nothing bad, just stuff
I keep wondering about. It's making me lose sleep... lol.
9 hours in the last two days. I think the clock change is
effecting it too. Not use to it being dark so early. Not sure
if I like it or not yet. I like hanging out when it's dark, so
weekends will defintely feel better. But weekdays, when it
gets dark it makes me feel kinda weird. Not sure how to
explain it but it feels like the night came so fast I didn't
get anything done.
Eh, not much sleep last night but I wasn't very tired. Kalinda's
Birthday! Big 18. It's been a pretty quiet day. Last few weeks
I've really had no homework to worry me either. Pretty chilll.
Never very busy anymore and I have a ton of free time...
I've got the urge to write again and play with photoshop.
I thought about trying Althanas, but I already know I won't
have very much commitment. Playing games really just seems
like killing time now, and that bugs me. I keep playing, but
I realize the time I've wasted a little too late. Should be
back onto the guitar, which I've sort'v been taking a break
from.
Not really feelin' this new MCR CD. Not yet, anyway. This
song starts off way too slow. I have to put a little time into
most CDs anyway. But judging from what David's said, I think
I'll be listening more to the Killers. |
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| noooo. |
[Oct. 25th, 2006|04:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | really tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION - 電波塔 | ] |
Now it's really starting to get annoying... -_- |
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